Hey pal, it's me again. Now i wanna tell you bout my sadness. I know people keep telling me 'why so sad?' 'dude, that's not a big deal' 'why you so sad all the time? let it go'. The fact is, i've tried a million times to let it go, forget, or whatever you call it, but it's really hard. Blame me with my sensitive personality. Screw it, anyway. And nobody cares. I've tried to keep this things in my mind, so people dont tell me an 'attention seeker', yet they call me 'bitch' in the school—well, i know not all of them
—but still, it hurts. They said i play w/ boys heart, or cheat, or something. Honestly, i beg you to think that 'does she really look like a girl who likes to play with some boys heart?' OF COURSE I DONT. One more reason why it's better to be a wallflower. I'm not a 'spotlight' person, and will never be. What can you expect from a passive-not talented-crybaby like me? All of the people in my school get holiday, and had a trip to somewhere interesting. And shared their pic in their instagram. While i just stayed home, reading book, doing movie marathon, and help my mom to clean the house. Oh my god, dead serious, it's really pathetic. They are so talented, and i dont even know what's my talent. I feel so small in my own school. When i mad, i'd cry. And beside the fact that i've been cried a million times, im afraid that i'll get depressed. Nah, or have i been there?
—but still, it hurts. They said i play w/ boys heart, or cheat, or something. Honestly, i beg you to think that 'does she really look like a girl who likes to play with some boys heart?' OF COURSE I DONT. One more reason why it's better to be a wallflower. I'm not a 'spotlight' person, and will never be. What can you expect from a passive-not talented-crybaby like me? All of the people in my school get holiday, and had a trip to somewhere interesting. And shared their pic in their instagram. While i just stayed home, reading book, doing movie marathon, and help my mom to clean the house. Oh my god, dead serious, it's really pathetic. They are so talented, and i dont even know what's my talent. I feel so small in my own school. When i mad, i'd cry. And beside the fact that i've been cried a million times, im afraid that i'll get depressed. Nah, or have i been there?
Man, i get jealous easily. I have a high-expectation in love. And i think in a relationship, im the one who always loving too much. I'm afraid of getting back into relationships and i have hundred reasons why. Well i can share a little, im afraid of getting hurts, im scared that one day they'll leave me behind, im scared they won't keep their promises. Im allergic to 'forever' word, cause i knew nothing lasts forever. It doesnt mean that i dont trust people. Of course i trusted some, but however the people that i trusted always end up leaving me behind or betrayed me. So i have hard time trusting people, and when i said 'i trusted you' i really really mean it. So please, dont break my trust. Karma do exist.
Hey, do you ever feel so lonely or lost or empty? Why do i feel that emotion all the time? I want to do a lot of activity to kill that 'loneliness' thing. But i have nothing to do except working on my homework or clean up the house duhh. I knew that lonely-lost-empty can lead us to depression. My confidence is really at zero point, ugh. LOW SELF-ESTEEM! i always feel like im never doing good enough at something, failure, failure, and failure. Damn, why's everybody got to be so pretty? Well, kiss me if im wrong but maybe im about 4 out of 10. Maybe it's too high? Or maybe everyone's being so bitchy? Nope, it's my fault who always comparing myself to every girls that i seen. Sometimes it makes me feel less grateful, and at the same time i have a thought ''omg, you shouldn't be less grateful. god has made his creature in the best way. he knew what's good for you and what's not'' so i stop comparing and started to think about my positive side. But.......the result is nothing. I dont have something to be proud of. If you were in my shoes, maybe you'll be doing the same thing. You're so lost, it almost feel like nobody's there for you, nobody's care.
And that's the end of my pathetic story hahaha. Thank you for reading :)
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